When my youngest son was starting university we were well-prepared. We had planned, mapped and researched. However, on his first day, Newcastle experienced torrential rain. I worried about how my young driver would cope with not only navigating unfamiliar territory, but also dangerous conditions. He left with plenty of time to spare and a bunch of advice. When my phone rang I assumed it was to tell me he had arrived safely and found a park. However, my son proceeded to tell me that a bus had forcefully merged in front of him, smashing the front corner of his car, and sliding him into the next lane.
We all want a smooth journey for our children. We work hard to remove obstacles and set them up for success. We are then devastated when they experience setbacks: friendship issues, a bad test score, an injury, negative feedback, not making the team…and the list goes on. Over my years of parenting, I’ve learned that I cannot manage my children’s lives to prevent disappointment or challenges. Sometimes they get hit by a bus. My first impulse is to be a fixer, an avenger. However, my role needs to be a coach, a cheer squad and a person who loves unconditionally.
When my children have experienced a confidence-shaking moment I have noticed how they grow, mature, and develop a sense of self-efficacy. Most of us can look back to a terrible experience that was pivotal in helping us become stronger, smarter and more resilient. When I received that phone call on that stormy day, my heart stopped. Was he OK? Would this ruin his university experience? Would it shake his confidence? When he arrived home from uni we surveyed the damage to the car and heard all about his first day. After the bus incident he regained control and drove on, calmed his nerves, found a great park and made it to class on time. His day had been fantastic. I sometimes hear him retell the story of his disastrous first drive to uni and it is not a tragic story but rather, a story of triumph, of humour and of growth. Sometimes the very things we work hard to help our children avoid are the experiences that catapult them forward. A setback that becomes a setup. I also believe that when we do life with God, He uses our experiences, good and bad, to help us develop character. And that is definitely what I want for my children.
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. Romans 5:3&4 NLT
Mrs Deb Cooper
Principal
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